Masturbation

Flog the log
Plunk your twanger
Butter the corn
Stroke the salami
Rough up the suspect
Punch the clown
Date Miss Michigan
Jerk off
Play pocket pinball
Have a date with Rosey Palmer
Bash the bishop
Flick the bean
Buck the slobbering donkey
Jerk the gherkin
Choke the chicken
Polish the family jewels
Have a tug of war with cyclops
Cook up a batch
Junior olympic pole vaulting
Punish percy
Have a wank
Kill a kitten
Date mrs. palmer
Crack one off
Spank the monkey
Pud wrestling
Hump the fist
Paint the ceiling